How Inventive! (No. 9)

Who hasn't needed a pat on the back at some point?  In case you don't have a friend handy, Ralph Piro invented a device that helps you pat yourself on the back.  U.S. Patent 4,608,967 describes a "self-congratulatory apparatus having a simulated human hand carried on a pivoting arm suspended form shoulder supported member.  The hand is manually swingable into and out of contact with the user's back to give an amusing or an important pat-on-the-back."

How Inventive! (No. 8)

Losing a loved one is hard. How to keep the memories alive? Last week, Mary Rydberg and Sharon Robinson received U.S. Patent No. 7,308,741 for a huggable cremated remains storage system. The invention uses a "plush container", such as a stuffed animal, and ornamental symbols characteristics of the person whose remains are inside. Think: teddy bear with golf clubs. The invention is marketed under the name EternaHugs, with several bear, pet, and pillow variations.

How Inventive! (No. 7)

Who hasn't had to lift a heavy object at some point? In 1996, Michael Schaefer patented a method for demonstrating his "Powerlift" technique (U.S. Patent No. 5,498,162). The technique requires no tools and assertedly prevents back injuries.

Interestingly, the claims don't cover a technique for lifting an object. Rather, they cover a method of demonstrating the lifting technique. Assume for a moment that the patent satisfies 35 U.S.C. § 112 and its specification teaches how to use the lifting technique. Who would ever have to infringe the patent by demonstrating the technique that's already been taught?

How Inventive! (No. 6)

Everyone knows the feeling of regret — of wanting to kick one's self in the behind. Thanks to Joe Armstrong, now you don't have to! His invention will kick your butt for you. U.S. Patent 6,293,874 ("User-operated amusement apparatus for kicking the user's buttocks") claims an apparatus that delivers kicks for you.

[W]hereby as the user bends forward while grasping said crank, the user bends at his waist to predominantly present his buttocks toward said outboard end on each of said plurality of rotating arms, and the user operates said crank to engage said drive train and to rotate said plurality of rotating arms, causing each respective outboard end on each of said plurality of rotating arms to sequentially strike the user's buttocks.

How Inventive! (No. 5)

Who doesn't fear being buried alive? Fortunately, Franz Vester came up with a solution, way back in 1868. (The basic idea of "safety coffins" goes back further, however — at least to the 1820s.) In U.S. Patent No. 81,437, he claimed an apparatus comprising coffin with a string extending to a bell located above ground. If you're buried alive, jingle the bell to alert help. He even illustrated his invention with Abraham Lincoln in the coffin.

Buffaloes v. Lions

Interesting amateur nature video, with two unexpected twists:

How Inventive! (No. 4)

What would patents be like if professional comic-book artists drew the figures? Like U.S. Patent 3,398,406, probably. This Bouyant Bulletproof Combat Uniform is fit for G.I. Joe.

How Inventive! (No. 3)

Can an old dog learn new tricks? Can pigs fly? Can elephants climb trees? Maybe so. U.S. Patent 461,449 claims a "Performing Platform For Animals" — an artificial tree that is specially-shaped to allow an elephant to climb it.

The Chaser on Americans

This clip from The Chaser's War On Everything makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time. This is the group whose stunt exposed gaping holes and the automatonic mindset of APEC's security force in Australia. (Via Bruce Schneier)

How Inventive! (No. 2)

US Patent 6,025,810
Hyper-light-speed antenna
Invented by David Strom

The ansible — a long-time staple of science fiction — was been patented on February 15, 2000. This patent claims a device capable of communication at faster-than-light speed.

1. A method to transmit and receive electromagnetic waves comprising:
   generating opposing magnetic fields each having a plane of maximum force running perpendicular to a longitudinal axis of the respective magnetic field;
   generating heat from a heat source along an axis parallel to the longitudinal axis of the magnetic field;
   generating an accelerator parallel to and in close proximity to the heat source, thereby creating an electromagnetic injection point; and
   generating a communication signal into the electromagnetic injection point, thereby sending and receiving the communication signal at a speed faster than a known speed of light.

How Inventive! (No. 1)

This is the first in an occassional series of posts on interesting, dubious, or fun patents. (Or my second, depending whether this counts.) Three recent emails asked if my blog was defunct because I hadn't posted in a while. Two of those asked about my patent collection. Since I have little time for "real" blogging now, I'll post on some of the patents in my collection from time to time.

US Patent 7,114,465
Pet operated ball thrower
Invented by Dana S. Winter

Yes, the invention is what the title sounds like. This really is a pet-powered self-exercise device:

A pet operated ball thrower including a base, a fulcrum post attached at its lower end to the base, a throw arm pivotally attached to the upper end of the fulcrum post, a ball receiving receptacle attached to the throw arm adjacent its outer end, a treadle pivotally attached at its lower end to the base, and an attachment member pivotally attached at its lower end to the treadle and pivotally attached at its upper end to the throw arm. A pet is trained to jump on the treadle to cause the outer end of the throw arm and attached ball receiving receptacle to be rapidly moved upwardly, thereby tossing the ball from the receptacle into the air for retrieval. The pet is trained to replace the retrieved ball into the receptacle, thereby allowing repeated tossing and retrieving of the ball by the pet.

Intel hardware security video

This is the funniest web ad I've seen in a while. Via Bruce Schneier.